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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22650196">The Royal Mr. Whiskers</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/chiridotalaevis/pseuds/chiridotalaevis'>chiridotalaevis</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mr. Whiskers [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Established Relationship, M/M, Minor Swearing, Moving, Mr. Whiskers is a bigger diva than Dan, POV Outsider, Phil can talk to animals, alternative universe, minor magical realism</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 13:48:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,328</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22650196</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/chiridotalaevis/pseuds/chiridotalaevis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Mr. Whiskers just could not understand why they had to move to a new apartment. This apartment was perfect! It had the couch Mr. Whiskers liked, the little nook above the fridge from where Mr. Whiskers could keep watch, a nice warm bed for him. All the smells were accounted for, all the walls sufficiently improved by Mr. Whisker’s claws. But no, apparently with Phil moving in, his humans didn’t have enough space anymore.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dan Howell/Phil Lester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mr. Whiskers [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1629331</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>87</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Temple of Gifts</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Royal Mr. Whiskers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/templeofshame/gifts">templeofshame</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Happy Birthday Zan! This fic is about moving in, roommates and cats, so I hope you like it &lt;3 Have the most lovely day today!</p><p>Special thanks to alittledizzy and bisexualshoemarriage for the beta work &lt;3</p><p>This is a sequel to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/21912247#main">The Fantastic Mr. Whiskers</a>, but all you really need to know is that Phil can talk to animals to read this.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Humans truly are ridiculous. Also very needy. Mr. Whiskers just could not understand why they had to move to a new apartment. This apartment was perfect! It had the couch Mr. Whiskers liked, the little nook above the fridge from where Mr. Whiskers could keep watch, a nice warm bed for him. All the smells were accounted for, all the walls sufficiently improved by Mr. Whisker’s claws. But no, apparently with Phil moving in, his humans didn’t have enough space anymore.</p><p> </p><p>“Listen, it’ll be great! We’ll take the couch with us, you’ll have more space to roam. I promise you, you’re gonna love it!” Phil was explaining to Mr. Whiskers once again, while sorting laundry. Dan was out at work, and Phil was using that time to once again try to persuade Mr. Whiskers that moving would be a good idea. “See? Nothing fits! We just don’t have the space, I keep having to keep my socks in a pile on the floor! ... No, that is not acceptable. … Because clothing needs to be put away or it’ll get dirty again! Look at this, there’s more cat hair in here than there is fabric!” Phil waived a pair of socks in front of Mr. Whiskers face.</p><p> </p><p>Mr. Whiskers has had this argument with Phil at least 20 times by now. When the topic first came up, both of his humans were incredibly excited. They would spend hours looking at their little lit up book, discussing potential new apartments, choosing what furniture would come with them and what they would buy. And they had the audacity to not even ask Mr. Whisker’s permission before making that decision.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, Mr. Whiskers could not let that lie. Phil’s favorite mug had to go (it was thrown off the counter in the middle of the night, just for additional impact), along with Dan’s new shoes (if his human didn’t want him to pee in his shoes, he should have put them away into the closet. Or he could have stopped this silly moving nonsense). But even those desperate measures didn’t seem to help.</p><p> </p><p>Dan, of course, being the thick headed individual that he was, could not put two and two together and insisted that Mr. Whiskers was having a “mid life crisis” and that they should just ignore his antics (and put away all their shoes at night). </p><p> </p><p>Phil, on the other hand, definitely knew what prompted the destruction of his mug (along with the ruined sweater and of course the ‘cactus incident’. Poor Billy did not deserve to die that young, but he ended up collateral damage). So he started a campaign to persuade Mr. Whiskers that it would be a good idea. Well, maybe persuade isn’t the right word, more like bribe him.</p><p> </p><p>The first thing Phil had to do was persuade Dan that they absolutely could not live in a flat on the ground floor. It was a two week argument in which Phil was forced to be very creative, explaining that he needs the exercise of going up the stairs and that he’s scared of a piano falling through the ceiling on top of him (it’s not like he could tell Dan that Mr. Whiskers insisted that he needs a good view of the pigeons outside and that he refuses to stare at people’s feet all day. He was Mr. Whiskers, not some lowlife dog.) Eventually, after multiple arguments, a lot of whining and several “persuading sessions” that Phil carried out in their bedroom, throwing Mr. Whiskers out of the room with whisper “Do you want the view or not?”, Dan gave in.</p><p> </p><p>Next was the room issue. Phil was absolutely adamant that he and Dan need a separate room from Mr. Whiskers, and it was not easy to satisfy either Dan or Mr. Whiskers. Dan kept throwing his hands up in disbelief and shrieking “Why do we need TWO extra rooms?! I get one is a guest room, but what the hell are we going to do with the second bedroom?! Phil, no we do not need a separate room for the cat!.. Ouch! Fuck off, you animal, that hurt!” Sometimes humans just needed to be reminded that stupidity has consequences.</p><p> </p><p>Mr. Whiskers on the other hand demanded that he would get the Master Suite. He might not exactly know what that meant, but if anyone would have the room that’s called the “Master” room, surely it should be Mr. Whiskers.</p><p> </p><p>So that is why Phil was currently on his knees in the bedroom, folding Dan’s underwear and trying to reason with Mr. Whiskers, who was in the middle of his bathing session.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just called that because it has an en suite bathroom. You don’t even use the bathroom, why would you want that room?”</p><p> </p><p>Mr. Whiskers gave Phil an unimpressed glance and continued licking his tail.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s already hard enough to get Dan to agree to that place with the extra bedroom. If we tell him that he doesn’t even get the big room, there’s no way he’s gonna go for it and we’ll have to start the search all over again!”</p><p> </p><p>Mr. Whiskers went on to carefully licking his toes.</p><p> </p><p>“I know you don’t care if we stay here for another couple months, but we’re going crazy here! And do you remember that there was an actual gas leak last week, right? Please, be reasonable!”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Phil! Are you having a debate with the cat again?” They both turned their heads to see Dan glancing into the room, cheeks red from walking home. Dan came up to Phil and gave him a peck on the lips and ruffled his hair. “You’re a weird one, Lester.”</p><p> </p><p>He tried to give Mr. Whiskers a scratch behind the ears, but Mr. Whiskers had no time for that nonsense and jumped up on the dresser with a huff.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine, be that way, see if I care,” Dan hissed at him and went to the kitchen to start dinner.</p><p>Phil shot Mr. Whiskers a pleading look.</p><p> </p><p>“Mr. Whiskers, please, you have to be the bigger person here. Or the bigger cat I guess,” he murmured quietly before following Dan into the kitchen. Mr. Whiskers could hear wet smooching noises and laughter and assumed that the humans were doing their licking thing again. Gross.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>In the end, a compromise had been reached. After some lengthy debates, Dan agreed that having a seperate room could be useful in the future (“In case we want to expand the family some day” Dan said and both of the humans suddenly got very red and giggly, much to Mr. Whisker’s confusion), and Mr. Whiskers finally agreed to take the smaller room for himself, as long as Phil promised that he would get a proper sized bed to sleep on. And not one of those kitty beds, a proper bed. One that he would approve of himself.</p><p> </p><p>And that’s how they end up sitting at the kitchen table, all three of them, shopping for beds on Dan’s computer thing (it didn’t really make sense no matter how many times Phil tried to explain it to Mr. Whiskers, but the humans didn’t need to know that, or they might think that they’re smarter than him). Dan was showing them different pictures, and Mr. Whiskers was gracefully situated in Phil’s lap, who was gently scratching his stomach in an attempt to make the whole process more pleasurable for everybody (himself mostly, of course, as there is no greater pleasure than petting Mr. Whiskers, and Mr. Whiskers was kind enough to allow it.)</p><p> </p><p>“How about this one?” Dan showed a picture of a small wooden bed with drawers at the base. “We can use it as a daybed and store things in there? Maybe fit a table in the room as well, have a little home office?”</p><p> </p><p>“That could work, what do you think Mr. Whiskers?” Phil replied.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, of course, what does Mr. Whiskers think,” said Dan in a slightly teasing voice.</p><p> </p><p>Mr. Whiskers let his claws out a bit and kneaded at Phil’s lap.</p><p> </p><p>“Ouch ouch ouch, ok, ok! No, Mr. Whiskers doesn’t like it. He wants something bigger.”</p><p> </p><p>“My god, this cat is such a diva!” Dan rolled his eyes but continued looking. He showed them a couple other options but Mr. Whiskers remained unimpressed (“You don’t have to claw me every time, man!” Phil would tell him, “I get it, you don’t like it!”).</p><p> </p><p>Dan continued scrolling until a picture caught Mr. Whiskers’s attention. He stood up from Phil’s lap and let out a loud meow.</p><p> </p><p>“I think Mr. Whiskers likes this one!” Phil exclaimed, pointing to a picture of a gigantic white fluffy bed, with a gold headboard.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re kidding, right? You have to be kidding, Phil! Do you see how much it costs? It’s a king size! It won’t even fit in the room!” Dan was starting to get a little hysterical in Mr. Whiskers opinion. And the “king” part sounded pretty good, whatever it meant. </p><p> </p><p>“No, Phil, no this is absolutely not happening!”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>But of course it did happen. Many weeks and boxes later (who knew that all Phil had to tell Mr. Whiskers to convince him to move was that there would be <em> endless </em> boxes. Of all sizes. All for Mr. Whiskers to enjoy, despite his humans trying to use them for other purposes), they were getting settled in their new place, and Mr. Whiskers had to admit it was pretty nice. There were large windows with a nice wide windowsill for Mr. Whiskers to lounge on while looking outside. The pigeons on the balcony were an endless source of entertainment. They got a lovely new dining table and chairs, one of which Mr. Whiskers of course promptly claimed for himself. Even the couch that they brought with them seemed to be more comfortable, now that it wasn’t totally overflowing with random things.</p><p> </p><p>As for the bed, Mr. Whiskers immediately knew that it was going to be quite acceptable, as soon as Dan and Phil tugged it into the apartment, red and panting from the effort.</p><p> </p><p>“Phil, I hate you for making us get a place on the 4th floor. We are never moving again, you hear me?” Dan whined, plopping himself on the sofa dramatically.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, dear,” answered Phil breathlessly and went into the kitchen to get some water.</p><p> </p><p>Mr. Whiskers jumped down from his lounging space on top of one of the bookshelves and went to investigate. The bed they brought in was packed in just an absolutely magnificent specimen of a box. It was giant, just the size Mr. Whiskers deserved. He sniffed the box while walking around it. The smell wasn’t great, but that was fixable. He clawed a bit at the cardboard.</p><p> </p><p>“Impatient, are you, you fucker?” Dan asked, still panting.</p><p> </p><p>Mr. Whiskers shot him a dirty look. His human really needed to learn to hold his tongue sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Under Mr. Whiskers’s careful instruction, the bed was assembled in his room and the box from it was left in the corner for him to enjoy later (that did require some scratching to achieve, as Dan was adamant on throwing it out. Once again, the stupidity of humans continued to baffle Mr. Whiskers). Phil put down nice purple sheets and some pillows on it, and Dan moved all the cat toys and Mr. Whiskers’ scratch tower into the room with him.</p><p> </p><p>“I cannot believe we have a separate room for our cat. We must be crazy,” he said, wiping off his forehead and pulling Phil to his side gently. </p><p> </p><p>Phil wrapped his arms around Dan’s waist and leaned his head on his shoulder. “I can’t believe we’re finally done moving. I can’t wait to live here with you.”</p><p> </p><p>They were looking at each other with that disgusting look in their eyes, and Mr. Whiskers felt the need to remind them of who the real mastermind behind this whole moving thing was by jumping onto the new bed and meowing. </p><p> </p><p>“And with you of course, Mr. Whiskers!” Phil corrected himself.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>That night Dan and Phil closed themselves in their room pretty early and left Mr. Whiskers to wander the apartment on his own. By now Mr. Whiskers knew that they would keep the door closed for a bit, but then probably Phil would go to get himself some water and Mr. Whiskers could sneak in at that moment. More often than not, Dan was already too tired to kick him out again, and Mr. Whiskers could get some sleep in peace.</p><p> </p><p>His plan worked perfectly of course, and just a couple of hours later Mr. Whiskers quietly tiptoed into the room, just as Phil was closing the door. He waited until they both settled back into bed, softly jumped up and made his way across the covers to the nice warm spot between the two humans.</p><p> </p><p>“You stupid cat, you have to be kidding me!” Dan grumbled half asleep. “Get out! Get out! You have a separate room! With a separate bed! It’s bigger than ours! Go away!”</p><p> </p><p>Mr. Whiskers ignored his rambling and curled up comfortably.</p><p> </p><p>“Phil, tell him to go away,” Dan mumbled, but Mr. Whiskers could hear that he had given up.  “Tell him he has his own bed.”</p><p> </p><p>Phil just sighed and pulled Dan closer to him. Just a couple minutes later the two humans were peacefully asleep. Mr. Whiskers curled up a bit tighter and closed his eyes. He swished his tail, gently bumping it into the two bodies around him. He would let Dan sleep a little bit before moving to his preferred sleeping location - Dan’s pillow. It’s not like Dan needed it. No matter how much he liked to pretend to be annoyed at Mr. Whiskers for pushing him off of the pillow, he seemed to prefer Phil’s chest anyway. And Mr. Whiskers was not cruel enough to deny Dan the opportunity to do that. He was generous like that.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading! Tell me what you think:)<br/>Come talk to me on <a href="https://quercussp.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a> or click <a href="https://quercussp.tumblr.com/post/190753229967/the-royal-mr-whiskers">here</a> to reblog.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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